Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Part Three: The Bush

We stumble to McNally's. As it turns out my tab at On The Rocks was way more than I had thought it would (damn menu with no prices). So I had no money left for a drink at the new bar. Thankfully, out of the goodness of her heart, Ameena offered to help further my inebriation by buying me a Vodka Sprite. It was the way I like my men- very strong.

We found a quiet booth and talked. We talk a lot. Eventually courtney decided she needed another drink. Well, I couldn't let the lady sip alone, so I went to get a refill. The bartender warned us we only had 10 mins to drink it till the bar closed. Ok, I can do that. We get our drinks (which made me overdraw my account, not sure though, I'm afraid to check). When we get back to the table, we decide to race to see who can drink it the fastest. I won! It was surprising as Courtney drank her shots faster than any of us. I was pleased with myself.

Too soon the bouncers were yelling- actually yelling- for everyone to leave. I was indignant. But we stumbled to the street. No sooner had we left then I realized I had to pee and I had to pee bad. Everything was closed, but then someone remembered that there is one building that is always open. I won't tell what this place is, but I will say it's a place full of information.

So, excited, we make our way to the place. On the way, though, I see a fountain and think it's a good idea to lay on the edge of it. I was rocking and rolling all over its ledge. Ameena said I would have fallen in had she not grabbed my arm. She thought about pushing me in, but was afraid I'd slip into a coma or something. She was gracious enough, however, to take photos of me laying on my back with my boob almost all the way out of my top, just chillin by the fountain.

Finally they gathered me and we made it to the pee place. Kelly, my hero, went to the door that is always open and yanked on it. It was locked! I was shocked! I don't know how the building can serve its public duty being locked. However, I have an in with someone who has worked in this place for a very long time, and she said they started locking the door because there was a homeless dude who would come in in the late night and spread his own shit all over the walls. 

So at first I was upset. I was literally going to piss myself. But then a marvelous idea came to me- if dudes can urinate outside, then so can I. Actually, I wasn't feeling like a feminist, I was just drunk.  So I stripped off my leggings and stuffed them in my purse (which Ameena had thankfully grabbed sometime during the night). I said "I am going to pee!"

Then I walked into the bushes and relieved myself. The whole time I was proudly chanting "I'm peeing, I'm peeing!" I also told them exactly how I was doing it- I shifted my undies to the right, fyi, and did my thing. I was very proud of myself.

Little did I know (nor did they, because they claim it was an "accident") they were videotaping my adventure. There is a video of me peeing, and then climbing from the bush on my hands and knees. Imagine: a girl in a pretty yellow dress, emerging from a bush on hands and knees, her hair wild, a big happy grin on her face. This is my life.

Apparently Kelly (Or Court, I don't remember) chanted that they'd pee with me for a quarter, but I guess no one had any change. 

I have to go to class now, but stay posted. The night only goes downhill (gets better) from there.

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