Get me out of Columbia

I left BR this morning at 7:30 and arrived here at like 7:00 pm. It was a long drive and it rained most of the way, which was stressful. On top of that, all the radio stations kept talking about dead soldiers. I get that it's Memorial Day and necessary, but listening to it for almost 12 hours does nothing to perk a person up. So that may be why I'm in a funk.

When I pulled onto my street and parked at my building, all I felt was anti-climactic sadness. I don't know what I expected. I guess I thought my heart would flip and I'd burst into song, sort of like what happens when I arrive back in La. But no, I was just filled with despair. When I went into my apt, I realized I'd neglected to clean it before I left, so that also dampened my already low spirits.

I guess I'm afraid that this summer is going to be very boring. I feel that by coming back to Columbia I'm doing nothing with my life, like I'm on pause. But that's ridiculous, of course, since I'm going to COLLEGE at the #1 journalism school in the country; I got the beat I wanted (a magazine); I have a great internship with a top-rated literary journal; the strong majority of my friends will be in town too.

Really, I should be happy,  I should be ecstatic. Things seem to be working out for me. But, I just can't see it that way at the moment. I feel like I have unfinished business back in Baton Rouge that I should be attending to. I had a great final weekend there. A fun party with my friends, then a housewarming party, then a shopping trip, and a lot of quality time spent with my mom. So I should be happy that I left on a good note.

But I'm not like that. I'd rather leave on a bad note, so no one will miss me. I guess that's part of my narcissism (assuming my absence will devastate those who've ever come into contact with me). Normally, during my last few days, I subconsciously pick fights with my family, so that by the time I have to leave, they're ready for me to be gone. My dad says that's ridiculous and rude. He'd rather remember me as happy and jokey and whatever- not a mean douchebag. I can see his point.

But this time there was no fighting, it was a great goodbye. It all happened so fast. I threw my bags in the car, opened the car door, turned to say "bye" to my mom, and  as I was about to start crying it started pouring rain real hard, so my mom gave me a quick wave and ran inside, so as not to get soaked. This kept the sentimentality of the situation to a bare minimum, so I didn't cry, and this is a first. It was my sort of goodbye. I should be happy.

This is also the first summer that I'm not spending in Philly. I should be with my dad, working at WaWa, hanging with my Yankee friends, tanning on the Jersey shore, BBQing and just living it up. I love my dad a lot, and it sucks that I won't see him. Maybe he'll come see me. As he gets older and older, I feel more and more guilt for not spending time with him. But it's obviously not my fault- I'm in MO, he's in PA- but that doesn't really matter.

I've got a great set of friends here. They'd come to my rescue if/when I need it. I can't complain about that department. Ameena's come up with a great list of things the gang should do over the summer. Catherine and I plan on becoming regulars at some of the bars/concert venues. Alex is in town and the girl is so cool, i can't wait to hang with her. In fact, Nathan wanted me to come over tonight and hang, but I'm exhausted so I turned down the offer.

I blame this funk on the first paragraph of this post. 

I'll get my mojo back.