Bed-hopping is inherited

I've decided to write a quick and quirky blog to balance out my previous post.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep. Try as I might, I just couldn't shut my brain off. So at like 11, I went into my mom's room and said, "mom, will you please come sleep with me? It's my last night." To which she responded, "sure, hop in," as she patted the empty space next to her.

Perhaps a polite person would have.

"No, I said you come to my room. Now, please."

"No Jess, i don't like your bed."

"But Mom, I'm your favorite and it's my last night, don't you want to spend it with me? Just tell me a story or lay there 'till I fall asleep or something, please?"

"Um, nope. We can do that here."

She was giving me a nice offer. All I had to do was grab my pillows and hop in. But I couldn't. I don't like sleeping in other people's beds. Sure, I'll hang out in other beds, but no sleeping. I need my pillows and my blanket and everything to be the way I want it. Other people can sleep in my bed though, maybe, depending on who said person is.  Apparently my mom's the same way too. She's had many a boyfriend sneak out in the morning. 

If I can hop in my car and go to my bed, rather than sleep in someone else's, I probably will. Of course I don't mind it if I'm on vacation, though. Anyway, I was mad at my mom's stubbornness. I even pouted, but she is immune to my sad face. So I went to bed alone.

I almost brought Brutus, my new dog, to my bed, but the last time he slept with me he talked in his sleep. He kept growling and shaking. I was afraid he'd wake up and attack me. I got no sleep with him. So I wasn't going down that road again.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to sleep with your mom.

That night, when I finally was about to doze off, I heard thudding, like someone was playing basketball in the front yard. I got pissed as hell. But, then I figured it was Tracy's boyfriend knocking on her window. As i was naked, I didn't get up to investigate.

I figured out that it was being clothed that kept me from sleeping. It was a tough decision to disrobe, as I was afraid that my mom would change her mind and come to my room. Luckily, I know that when her mind is made up, she doesn't change it.

So this morning, when I went to my car, I saw that someone had thrown eggs all over the house. They'd even thrown toilet-paper around. It was a very measly attempt though, really pathetic. They did a horrible job. The last people that attacked our house spray-painted "Tracy loves cock" in the driveway. I told mom to pour bleach on it to erase it, but it really just made the concrete whiter, thus highlighting the graffiti. These eggs paled in comparison.

I did notice that my car was wet and the hose was unraveled. I think they egged my car, felt guilty, and washed it.

When my mom came out she just said "this is sad and embarrassing. What a pathetic attempt. They can't even roll a house right."