A nearby suicide

I was supposed to work the 7 PM- 3 AM shift at Subway last night. Instead, someone randomly offered to switch with me, because they know I don't like getting off that late. So instead I worked 4-12. After I got off, I went home. I read a book, ate some sour gummy worms and drifted to a peaceful sleep.

It was peaceful until I was awoken by an annoying loud noise, it sounded like a big truck was doing construction work outside my apartment. I woke and yelled "goddamn you! Have you no decency?? Let me sleep! Let me sleeeeeep!" No light was seeping through my blinds, which should have been a clue that it wasn't construction. I thought about checking my watch, but didn't want to know the time. I thought about looking out the window to see what it was, but figured it didn't matter and I didn't want to get out of covers. I'm glad I did nothing. If I had, I probably would've seen ambulances and firetrucks, and being curious, I would've gone to investigate. I would've seen something I could never take back. (My perverse curiosity got the best of me once, and I went on the site "rotten.com". It was horrible and I'll never get the image I saw out of my mind.).

This morning I strolled into my newspaper gig at around noon. When I got there Nancy, my boss, said "Jess, did you hear what happened last night?"

"Don't think so. What happened?"
"A kid killed himself outside your building." I was taken aback. "Say what?"
"Yeah, kid jumped off the parking garage."

I was floored. I went online to see our paper, and they had a blurb saying the kid was a 20 yr old sophomore.

"But that's not how we found out..." Nancy went on to tell me that a janitor who works the building had just gotten off work. He was walking to his car when he heard a man yell. He looked around, saw no one, and kept walking.

Then, right behind him, the kid hit the ground.

The janitor was scared, naturally, and took off running. Then when his senses came back to him, he stopped, turned around and called 911.

Now here's the kicker: this happened around 3:30 AM. Had I not switched my shift, there is a strong possibility that I would have been passing by when he offed himself.

Can you imagine just walking down the street at 3:30 AM- probably already spooked, since you're alone downtown at that time- and then, suddenly, some body falls out of the sky and lands right next to you? How disturbing would that be? Would you have nightmares? Would you feel some sort of irrational guilt over not looking up and stopping the kid before he jumped?

Is it sick, morbid and wrong that part of me wishes I were there? I've seen lots of dead bodies before, but only in a funeral home setting, not it a raw live-action setting.

Mostly I want to have been there because it would make this story a little more interesting. It could be first hand of how I saw a man die and how it affected me afterward.

Ultimately, I'm glad I wasn't there, it is certainly not something I need to see. My dad said that in real life it looks 100 times worse than it does in the movies. It would just be a neat affliction to have. Later on, when I'm a famous novelist, the critics would have said "yes, she is great. The affliction she endured after the kid died in front of her gave her enough edge to be great."

Though I wasn't there, I'm affected by this kid. The other city paper, our competition, did print his name. So I looked him up on Facebook. He's a good looking kid; has almost 600 Facebook friends; was quarterback of his high school team. His last status said "life... and grandpa JOE." I wonder what that meant.

I wonder what makes someone commit suicide, especially in a public place. I guess they want to be found. At least it wasn't at noon. What if he had landed on the janitor? "two for the price of one," is what my dad said.

Though I didn't know him, I've looked at his photo for so long that I feel like I do.

I'll miss him.