Carcinogen Shame

Today I covered a 5-midnight shift for a coworker. As it turned out, I was too tired, having worked long shifts for the past couple of days, so I made a deal with someone else to cover me. Megan, my friend, was supposed to get off at 10, but switched with me and left at midnight instead. As a token of my appreciation, I offered to go pick her up some cigarettes, since I knew she'd been craving them and begging people to get her some.

Around 1o i hit up the gas station. As it turned out, I super embarrassed to be seen buying cigarettes. I didn't anyone I knew to stumble upon me buying this atrocious thing. Not only did I buy them, but then I had to bring them into the store too. I knew all the customers were staring at me in shocked disgust. I was going to stash them in my back pocket so no one would see, but I was afraid she wouldn't want my butt cigarettes.

I've never liked cigarettes, but I was surprised by the shame I felt, even when they weren't mine. Anthony smokes, and he knows I find it disgusting. It's the smell I don't like, gross. He even Fabreezes himself off when he goes home so his mom won't know he smokes. I told him that he's 24 and worried about his mother finding out he smokes? "You're a pussy," I said. He said he's kind because his mom's dad died of lung cancer, so he's saving her the pain of knowing he smokes. I told him that was pathetic reasoning and that he lacks balls. We're at a standstill on that one.

But kissing him isn't like kidding an ashtray. If he's just taken a drag, though, it's gross. I don't think I get embarrassed when he smokes, though, I just feel sadness. I guess people can think whatever they want of him, just don't think I'm a smoke breather.

I also learned that they can't put "light" on cigarettes anymore because apparently it makes people think they're healthier than normal cigs. That's ridiculous.